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my monthly "me-dates"

Updated: Jan 25, 2022

I’ve been dating myself for the past 10 months.

June "me-date": Black Tie & Heels Affair

When I say dating myself, I don’t mean that I’ve sworn off dating other people. I mean once a month, at the least, I’ll plan an outing for myself. I’ll experience my date intentionally, meaning I’ll be present in the moment, interacting with the people around me, and staying off my phone.

It started this past February when I had tickets to see Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Women Evolve tour when it came to Detroit. I was so excited when she announced the tour stops and saw she was coming to town. When I lived in Los Angeles last summer, her and her husband Toure Roberts pastored the church I attended. The Potter’s House at OneLA was probably the only church I have ever enjoyed going to (while I do identify as a Christian, I am not the most religious person nor am I an avid church goer). Somehow I managed to miss service every time Pastor Sarah was to speak, so when I saw her tour, I just HAD to get tickets. I figured they’d sell out fast so I bought one without securing anyone to go with. As time went on, I never found that buddy to come with me, but I still really wanted to go. I have a terrible habit of not going somewhere I want to go just because I’d have to go alone. The day it came, I almost chickened out, but I got fed up with myself and that habit. Who the hell said I couldn’t go alone?

So I did. And I enjoyed myself so much that I couldn’t figure out why I never went to things by myself before. I didn’t mind eating at restaurants by myself, but events? It was never my thing. Until now. I decided to do it more often and ended up challenging myself to take myself out of a date once a month. It could be big or small, all weekend or just for an hour. Whatever it may be, I’m not going to be alone because I’m lonely, but because I love being with myself.

Shiddd, if I can’t spend time with myself, how could I ever expect another man or woman to spend time on a date with me?

Dates I’ve taken myself on include:

  • seeing ‘US’ in theaters

  • driving to spend the weekend in Washington, DC

  • spending my birthday at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History

  • attending the Black Tie and Heels Affair, an annual formal event in Detroit

  • beach days at Belle Isle

  • and lots of solo meals at my favorite restaurants

The most difficult one was when I went to the formal party by myself in June. I had never attended a party alone without knowing anyone else going. I love to attend parties with my friends so we can dance around each other and talk all night. Since I was purposefully going alone, I didn’t have that, and was extremely nervous. During the beginning of the party, I awkwardly stood around, not knowing what to do. I felt like the odd-one-out, even though I was dressed to the Great Gatsby theme like everyone else. The DJ would play a song I enjoyed and I’d stay glued to the wall. As the night went on and the venue filled up, I got more loose since I figured no one could tell I was alone at this point. Plus, I ended up seeing a friend there from my previous job so I didn’t have to be alone if I didn’t want to be at a particular moment.

I encourage everyone to step out of their comfort zone and take themselves out on dates. Get dressed up, do your hair/makeup, put on your favorite shoes, and celebrate yourself. Get to know yourself. Fall in love with yourself.

Each month, I’ll write a post about my date(s). Spending time with myself like this has become my favorite form of self-care. Remember: to be alone does not mean you are lonely. Enjoy yourself!

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