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grad school woes part 1

I’ve been wanting to get more degrees before I even finished my first one. I spent a good chunk of my final semester at Howard, the fall of 2017, stressing over applications for graduate programs with the hopes of starting my MFA in film & television production or screenwriting the next fall. Unfortunately, none of them turned out the way I had hoped.

I tried not to feel down on myself about it and kept working on stronger essays and bettering my skills for my portfolio. None of that worked either as I chickened out for one reason or the other in submitting my new applications. Then came April 2019.

I prayed for weeks about whether or not I should try again, this time applying to a school near home. I wanted to leave Michigan again but I felt like that wasn’t in my cards at the moment but I was still conflicted about tying myself down here until I finished a program. I remember saying to God one day, “If it is in your will for me to stay in Michigan, I will not try to leave until after completing this program. If I do not get in, I will move back to DC.”

This past August, three weeks before classes started, I received my acceptance into Wayne State University’s graduate English program. I was ecstatic! I registered for my classes as soon as I could. I really could achieve my goal of another degree.

But now, as I’m ending my first semester, I can’t help but think, what am I doing here?

I love my program, don’t get me wrong. I feel very seen in my classes and as if I deserve to be there. The issue is, I don’t know what I am doing. And I have to figure it out fast.

I originally wanted to specialize in film and media studies but now I’m leaning more towards a specialization in creative writing. I’m extremely passionate about both and I need to create a plan of work very soon in order to stay in my program. But then, a part of me wants to add another program on top of the one I am already in. I kind of want to add public administration, I’m thinking about education too, then a part of me wants to add communications. Why I feel the need to add more onto my plate, I’m not sure. But that’s what I do, always adding too much.

What do I want out of life, career-wise, anyway? What do I even want to do?

I know what I’m passionate about: media/the arts, writing, trauma survivor advocacy, children, and more. But what can I do with those? And what kind of Masters degree(s) could I get to assist with that?

After I get my Masters of Arts, I’d still like to go back to school for a PhD and eventually become a professor. But until then, what can I do? What should I do? What do I want to do?

I ask myself these questions daily as I go through my regular class and homework routines. Hopefully I’ll be closer to an answer soon and can update you all with a “grad school wins” post.

Until then, feel free to send tips on how to decide!

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