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2019 wrap up

Thinking back to those 2019 resolutions I made this time last year, I definitely didn’t meet my goals. I started many of them, or planted those seeds as I like to say, but didn’t follow through by watering them. I remember making a vision board collage in photoshop last December, including all the things I wanted to accomplish and improve. I forgot to finish it and ended up losing the file… and lost my vision along with it.

On the plus side, 2019 did see many blessings that were unexpected from this time last year.

this time last year, December 2018

About one year ago, I had just moved back to Detroit for the first time in years, after deciding to do so only one week before. Aside from an 8 month stint when I had to leave school due to stress and illness, I hadn’t lived in Michigan since 2012. I was extremely emotional at the time; I felt like a failure for having to move back home and I was overwhelmed by the aftermath of trauma. I felt like I could barely function.

One year ago, I was in terrible pain everyday. Some days were so bad that I couldn’t even stand straight up. Walking my dog hurt, cleaning up hurt… shit, being awake hurt so I slept all the damn time. Because of my pain, I was jobless and lowkey hopeless. I couldn’t even get anyone a gift for Christmas ‘cause I was dead broke.

Reflecting on 2019 feels better because of these facts. I may not have met all my goals, but I still made huge progress.

While I still live in Michigan, much to my own annoyance, I’m making the best of it. I’ve finally started graduate school, which had been a dream of mine for two years, and started a chapter of the organization I was in at Howard. Although grad school is stressful and has caused an existential crisis (degree me, PUH-LEEZ), I love it. I also now work a job I enjoy: I’m a building substitute teacher at an elementary school. I’ve been considering getting certified to teach lately so I feel like this is a great segue into that experience.

As far as my pain goes, it has made great improvements as well. Last December I learned my spine was curved in more than one place in both my neck and back, resulting from a car accident two years ago. Since then, I’ve been getting chiropractic adjustments as well as physical therapy and pain treatments for the damaged nerves the curves caused. Thanks to my amazing doctors, my pain is tolerable most days and some, even nonexistent. This Michigan cold weather has it acting up sometimes… but it’s all good.

My emotions and stress management has improved as well, and I think I am most proud of this fact. Dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder as well as bipolar disorder 2 is pretty rough but with the help of group and individual therapy, I feel as if I am in a much better spot than a year ago. There is still more healing work to be done but I am so happy with the progress I’ve made so far.

Looking back, I’d say the theme of this year was self improvement. There were so many other things I wanted to do but God said hol’ up, are you even ready for these blessings? You gotta get yourself together first. I definitely learned this year that you will not receive a blessing that there is no room for. Make space for what is yours. With that being said, I hope to continue this self-work in 2020 so I can accomplish other, greater, things as well. I hope my reflection inspires you to do one of your own. Did you accomplish your 2019 new year resolutions? If not, what did you accomplish instead?

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